As I work with my clients, I see an interesting correlation between Trust & Happiness. I notice that people with high trust in others seem to have a more open & optimistic outlook, and generally tend to be a happier lot. Conversely, individuals who are low on trust, seem to be more pessimistic & closed in their approach - they tend to be unhappier.
This got me thinking: Firstly, what determines the level of trust we have in people around us? Secondly, and more importantly, irrespective of where we are today, how can we build more trust?
At a broad level, there seem to be two main factors that determine our trust levels: One is our genetic make-up, or what Vedanta calls vasanas. We are born with a certain capacity to trust that predisposes our response to the circumstances that life throws at us. This is what explains an optimist in the midst of extreme poverty and a pessimist surrounded with luxury. The former is able to trust others against all odds and the latter cannot stop doubting and complaining in spite of possessing the best of what the material world has to offer.
Second is our experience that determines our learnt behaviour. If we have grown up seeing high trust relationships around us and even received high trust from our parents and friends, especially in our formative years, we are more likely to reciprocate with high trust in people around us in our more mature years. Conversely, experiencing betrayal of trust at close quarters is likely to result in an inhibited, non-trusting outlook in the later part of our lives.
Our attitude towards trusting people and life is a combination of our inborn capacity to trust as well as our learnt behaviour. Then it stands to reason that there is a component of our predisposition towards trusting people and life that is something we cannot change (the genetic part). And the other component of trust, our learnt behaviour is changeable. As it came about in multiple conversations, in order to start trusting people more, we need to:
Start sharing our own expectations of others,
Give feedback in a regular and transparent manner, and
Work towards a uniting purpose as a Lighthouse of our relationship.
In conclusion, our tendency to trust others is a function of both nature and nurture. And we can grow our ability to build smart trust in others & in life, to lead more open and happier lives.
Photo by lauren lulu taylor on Unsplash
The author, Anuj Chadha, is Founder of Three Circles - Coaching to create the Life that you love! At Three Circles, we come with a deep understanding of what it takes to navigate the challenges that life throws at us. We partner with our clients, listen to their life aspirations, and support them to break through the obstacles that seem to be holding them back. Life is too precious to be unhappy, unsure, or unfulfilled. Give us the opportunity to partner with you as you re-imagine and re-create the Life that you Love!
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