Right from the moment we gain our senses we are surrounded by a world full of people who, in their best wisdom, are telling us what is right and what is wrong, what we should do and what we shouldn't. Somewhere amidst this cacophony of 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts'' is our own inner-voice that is seeking to be heard. If we are the lucky few who have got a caring and nurturing environment at our homes and workplaces, which allows us to take inputs from others but arrive at our own conclusions, then our inner-voice has an opportunity to become strong and shine through. However, more often than not, we find that the outside noise is so loud or so dominant in numbers that the inner-voice is left completely unheard - so much so that very often adults in their mid-life may be unable to distinguish whether what they want to do is their own decision or it is someone else's view that they have come to own without any choice.
What stops us from being Authentic? We can be authentic when we don't feel judged or when we have the inner strength and resilience to block the external noise. Listening to our inner-voice is not about giving in to our sense pleasures like going for that extra helping of ice-cream despite suffering from diabetes. That is giving in to a surface-level sense-pleasure. Our inner-voice is more like the light-house or the compass that guides us throughout our life, and it is accessible only in moments of stillness and deep reflection. As a corollary, everything that clouds our ability to be in touch with our inner-voice stops us from being authentic. For example, the thought "What will others think if I say this or do this?", the momentum of past habits leading to the belief that "I am like this only", and comparisons like "If only I had what they have, I would be so happy." stop us from being our true selves.
As a result of:
a high need for external validation,
self-limiting beliefs, and
a tendency to compare ourselves with others,
we add 'noise' in our minds that prevents us from recognizing our inner-voice. In this way we are constantly trying to measure up to an externally imposed idea of the 'perfect' self, which is a constantly changing illusion. This leads to a lack of fulfilment and a sense of emptiness.
So what is the way out? If the problem is too much 'noise' in the mind, the solution must be 'to quieten' the mind. To begin with, simple techniques like going for a short ten-minute walk, or listening to music that we love, helps us to quieten the agitated mind. Some others would love to play with their kids or pets, a space of no judgments, and yet others would like to hit the gym or go for a run to expend their energy. As we get better, we can start lengthening the time that we spend in these quietening exercises and try our hand at different forms of 'meditative living'. Meditative living is being in touch with our inner-voice for longer periods of time, no matter what we might be doing on the outside. Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese monk known as the father of the mindfulness movement, talks about several examples of meditative living like meditative-walking, meditative-gardening, meditative-tea-making and many more. The key is to be fully in present moment awareness and act from there.
When we are in touch with our inner-voice for prolonged periods of time we become more confident from within and we begin to act without a need for external validation. With a strong connection with our inner-core, we start dissolving self-limiting beliefs, and we drop the need for comparison with others. This allows us to be our effortless authentic selves, or to use a colloquial term, "be comfortable in our own skin"!
Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash
The author, Anuj Chadha, is a Life & Executive Coach, Founder of Three Circles. At Three Circles, we build a deep understanding of what it takes to navigate the challenges that life throws at us. We partner with our clients, listen to their life aspirations, and support them to break through the obstacles that seem to be holding them back. Life is too precious to be unhappy, unsure, or unfulfilled. Partner with us as you re-imagine and re-create the Life that you Love!