Goodbye Bigom!

Mom with her Mom in Feb 2017

Bundle of Energy: My earliest memory of my grandmother is when I was about 5-7 years old (that means she was about 50 years old). We used to visit my grandparents' home in RK Salai, Chennai (then Edward Elliot's Road, Madras), every summer for our school vacations. 'Naani', as we used to call our maternal grandmother, was always up and about from about 4:30 am, and she would be bathed and ready for her morning prayers. By the time the rest of the family surfaced, she was already preparing the meals for the day. She would be on her toes all day taking care of everything and everyone in the household - from supervising the house-help to hosting any guests, preparing all the meals, and supporting my aunt, who was in college at the time.

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Naani reciting the 1.5 times table in Punjabi

Telephone Diary: Naani had an impeccable memory. Her mind was like a telephone diary, only better! The pages of the old phone diaries would wear out, but Naani's mind was sharp. She always dialed the numbers on her mobile phone from memory, not by scrolling to the name. She had a "Shakuntala Devi"-style knack of recalling the multiplication tables, but, wait-for-it - in Punjabi! A few years ago, she once recited the table for 1.5 times in Punjabi and had us all in splits! (See video recording). She was also an avid card player. Her favourite game was 'Sweep'. She was a tough and demanding partner to play with!

Super Host - My fondest memories of being with Nani were when we had our cousins coming over and staying at our grandparents' home in Madras during our summer holidays. The house would often be full, with more than 15 people. This was Naani's idea of a full life - when the extended family would come over and stay with her, have food, play cards, go to the Marina Beach (just a 2 km walk down the road), go shopping, and, basically, have a complete blast! 

Strong Willed - My Naanaji (maternal grandfather) had met with an accident, and the resultant stroke had paralyzed the right side of his body. Naani, along with my mom and her younger sister, took care of Naanaji. He was a strong-willed man too, and with immense effort, he recovered a good degree of control and independence. He started eating on his own and even started writing letters with his left hand. The management at the House of Malhotra's, that my Naanaji had served for all his life, was gracious enough to let him continue to serve in his role in Accounts for several years. I know that Naani's strength was behind Naanaji's incredible recovery.

Wayfarer: Nani loved to travel. My close friend used to joke, "It's as if she has wheels on her feet!" I lost my Nanaji in 1992, when Naani was 64, and as a consequence, Naani had to move from Hyderabad to Delhi. She had become a bit more dependent on my Mom and her younger sister. But she was fiercely protective of her independence and stayed by herself in a rented home near my mom's place. I spent a few of those years staying with her - towards the end of school and my college years. Eventually, Naani moved in with my mom. But her traveling nature continued. She loved to travel to visit family and friends in Hyderabad, the ashram in Haridwar, and family relatives in Delhi. When she was 88, she got her passport made for her maiden international trip to visit us in Jakarta in 2016!

Bigom, the Story-teller: I have heard Naani tell many stories of her growing-up years, both in

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Bigom sending her wishes to all on her 92nd Birthday in April 2020

my early school years and later in my college years when I stayed with her. More recently, Naani was staying with us in Bangalore when Covid hit in March 2020, and as a result of the lockdown, she stayed with us for a few months. During those months, all the stories came back. This time, she had a new audience: our daughters, her great-granddaughters. Our daughters used to call her Bigom, short for Big-Mom. They captured the story of her personal experience of the partition of India in vivid detail, as she grew up in Rawalpindi, part of present-day Pakistan. She had lived through the turmoil of the partition of India. They were extremely moved by her life stories and even shared them as one of their school assignments. She turned 92 that year and celebrated her birthday with thanks!

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Laughing with Bigom - The OG Facebook!

The OG Facebook: Naani was the social media of our family, way before any social media worth its name emerged. Whenever Nani came and stayed with us, she would soon tell us the family history and gossip of more people in our neighbourhood than we could ever imagine. She had a knack for befriending and chatting with people across age groups. Of course, she would also generously share the stories and milestones of her family!

Saturday 11 am Phone calls: Over the last few years, Nani had grown weaker, and it was not safe for her to travel. I used to speak with her on Saturdays at about 11:00 am. Sometimes, I would call, and often, she would beat me to it! She started losing her hearing, so it was difficult to have long conversations with her. The conversation would usually revolve around checking in on our health, weather, and visiting the Iskcon temple near our home. She had enjoyed visiting the ISKCON temple when she stayed with us last in 2020, and she had fondly asked me to pray to Lord Krishna for her.

A few weeks ago, Naani lost her appetite, and her energy began to fail. I knew something was changing since she had stopped calling me on Saturdays around 11 am for the last four weeks. On April 7, Naani breathed her last! She was 97.

Thank you, and Bon-Voyage Bigom!

#ThisisLife #Livetothefullest #Familyrelations #Grandparents #Greatgrandparents #Tributetolife 

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The author, Anuj Chadha, is a Leadership Coach, and the Co-Founder of the Thrive Program, designed for Individual Leaders, Teams, and Organizations, along with Harpreet Arora. To know more, write to anuj@threecircles.co.in or connect@harpreetarora.com

Anuj is the Founder of Three Circles, Faculty & Coach with Leadership Et' Humanite, and an Associate Coach with the Center for Creative Leadership.  

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